Tobi's Questions
by tigerwolfspellbear
Summary: Tobi's curious about Deidara's hand mouths. Just a bit of randomness about the hand mouths. Rated T for language and suggestive content.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer** - You know, standard spiel here. I don't own Naruto or the characters, ect.

_May 7, 2014. There will be spoilers._

* * *

"Senpaiii!"

Deidara mentally groaned. He was having peaceful day without that idiot around bothering him. He was out enjoying the sunshine, sitting against a group of rocks and making small flying insects, trying to see how small he could make his creations, while still retaining a good explosion. "What do you want, un?"

"Tobi was a good boy for Zetsu!"

"So?"

"So?" he squealed, waving his arms around in the air. "Tobi was a good boy, so Tobi should get rewarded!"

"Whatever, un."

"Senpai said Tobi could hug him for his reward!" Tobi jumped up and down excitedly, waiting for Deidara's response. Inwardly, he was really looking forward to Deidara flipping out; it was one of the few highlights of having to be 'Tobi'.

"Go away, un."

"Tobi wants his reward, Senpai!" Tobi sprang forward and hugged Deidara, causing him shout and stand up suddenly, pissed off.

"Uh oh. Tobi didn't mean it! Tobi's sorry! Senpaiii!" Tobi said, putting his hands up in front of him and waving them.

"DIE! Katsu!" Deidara shouted causing the several of the clay insects he had created to go off. They propelled Tobi into the air and into the nearby river. Tobi thrashed and flailed, yelling "Senpai!" as the river carried him away.

Clinging to a piece of wood and finally being washed to a place where he could reached the bottom of the river with his feet, he waded out, pulling off his Akatsuki robe and wringing it to remove as much water as he could. He hadn't realized Deidara had been doing anything more than enjoying the sun, but it pleased him that the artist was using his time wisely. He put his robe back on and went to claim his real reward.

"Senpai!"

"GO AWAY, un!" Deidara looked up, glaring at Tobi who was now dripping water on the top of the rocks. He put his hand in his clay pouch, silently threatening his annoying partner.

"If Tobi can't have a Senpai hug as his reward, can Tobi ask Senpai questions about his hands?"

"Why do you care, un?"

"Tobi is curious. Sometimes Tobi sees Senpai playing with his food. Does Senpai's hands eat?"

"Curiosity killed the cat, un."

"But Tobi isn't a cat, Senpai."

"IF I answer your stupid questions will you stop dripping water on me?"

Tobi jumped off the rocks and sat near Deidara, only leaving a few inches between them. Deidara scowled a little, but Tobi ignored it. He leaned closer to Deidara. "Senpai?"

"What, un?"

"Tobi's has questions!"

"No, they don't eat, un."

"Then why does Senpai play with his food?"

Deidara scratched his face with a finger, not really comfortable with talking about his hands. "They like to taste other things, sometimes."

"What kinds of things, Senpai?"

"Food, mostly, un."

"Do they like the same things?"

"No."

"No?" Tobi cocked his head.

Deidara sighed. "One likes cold, the other likes hot. They like different kinds of clay. One likes having the teeth brushed, the other hates it, un."

"Does Senpai ever use them to kiss?"

Deidara stood up, turning away. "That's a stupid question, idiot."

"Aw, Senpai! Tobi didn't mean to make Senpai angry," he shouted, as Deidara walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks to tumblr for the last two questions Tobi asks. Feel free to let me know of any other questions he could or would ask. Any rating. Should also mention Hidan and his mouth show up, so be prepared for cussing._

* * *

Tobi walked backwards along the path, facing Deidara. "Tobi has more questions, Senpai!"

"No."

"Why not, Senpai?"

Deidara glared at Tobi. "Let's just get this mission over with," he growled.

Tobi cocked his head at Deidara questioningly. He was unsure why Deidara was grouchier than usual. Deidara remained silent, ignoring the unspoken question. Tobi 'tripped' on some tree roots, falling over backwards in the middle of the path. He laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his head, but Deidara continued walking, going around his fallen partner. Tobi jumped up and ran to catch back up to Deidara.

"Senpai?"

"WHAT?" Deidara kept walking, glaring ahead as if he could make the very trees explode without hand signs. In truth, he didn't want to blow up the trees, well, okay, he did, but not randomly and there was someone higher on the list.

"What did Tobi do to make Senpai mad? Why doesn't Senpai just blow Tobi up like usual?" he asked, his voice losing some of its volume.

"I don't want to blow you up right now, un." No, he'd rather blow up someone else for once. An ultimately futile effort, but it would make him feel better. But that person was no where nearby.

Tobi perked up a little. "That makes Tobi happy, Senpai!" he squealed, hugging Deidara. Deidara glared at him and Tobi let go, backing off. "Oops, sorry, Senpai. No, wait, Senpai, ple-"

The moment Tobi had hugged him, he'd dug into his clay and formed a quick bomb. He threw it at Tobi's feet and yelled "Katsu!" sending the most annoying ninja in the world skyrocketing, before continuing on his way.

On the way back, Tobi thought up of more questions he could bug Deidara about. He was genuinely curious about the artist's extra mouths, but he had to be careful about how much he pushed. The goal was, after all, to annoy him yes, but in a way that would endear him to the artist. He was used to making long-term plans, patiently waiting for them to come to fruition, and getting to the point where Deidara considered him as someone he wanted to help warm the bed was no different. He just needed time.

It was well after nightfall when he finally caught up to Deidara, who had stopped somewhat off the path and started a fire. He was sitting up in the trees however, looking at the sky and still scowling. Tobi climbed up the trunk, using chakra to stick to the tree. "Senpai's face will freeze!" he said excitedly, waving his hands in Deidara's face. Deidara pushed him and he stopped concentrating on sticking to the tree, falling back to forest floor. "That was mean, Senpai. Tobi was only trying to help. Senpai owes Tobi answers!" he declared, standing up and brushing himself off. "How many mouths does Senpai have?"

"Why do you want to know, un?"

"Because Tobi is curious, Senpai." There was no way in hell he was going to tell the artist his real reasons just yet.

"Four, now go to sleep."

"Four, Senpai? Where is the last one?"

"Go to sleep, un."

He deflated slightly, but did as he was told, lying down far enough away from the fire that he could still feel the heat, but not so close as to catch fire when he 'sprawled'.

Deidara watched Tobi lay down, turning back to stare at the night sky. His thoughts kept going round and round to the conversation he had right before they left. He would have bombed Hidan at that moment if Tobi hadn't come in and bugged him about leaving right then for their mission.

_"Deidara-chan"_

_"Don't call me that, un."_

_"Or what? You'll fucking blow me up, you little shit? It would be my pleasure." He grinned._

_Deidara glared. "What do you want, Hidan?"_

_"Oh? Just wanted to know if you've become fuck buddies with that dumbass you call a partner yet."_

_Deidara stared at Hidan, confused._

_"Come on, how the fuck can you be that stupid? He gave you a fucking nickname, for Jashin's sake, follows you around like a fucking lovesick puppy, and always comes back after you blow him away..." Hidan started laughing at his own pun._

_Deidara was annoyed, why did Hidan think everyone who shared a room also shared beds? They only shared rooms because Kakuzu was too cheap to get them a place that had more room. "So? What does that have to do with anything, un?"_

_"Wow, you really are fucking clueless. Has he shown you his creepy ass mask collection? Displayed them on the fucking walls, yet? He does that every fucking time he thinks he's got a permanent place. Did you know he has them all made based off that goddamn mask he actually wears. Says it's a hobby. I wonder what kind of a freak face he's hiding? You two are the perfect fucking match. Freakface and Freakhands!"_

_"Like you have any room to talk, un."_

_"At least I look like a normal fucking human being."_

_"SENPAIII!"_

"Seeenpaiii. No, stop, that tickles. Senpai..." Tobi rolled over, scratching at his stomach, before using his arm as a pillow and putting his free hand under the side of his face.

Deidara glared at the man, shaping the clay he'd been playing with all night into a small, round bird, roughly the size of a golf ball. He launched it at Tobi, watching as it landed next to the sleeping ninja and work its way under him.

"Senpai," Tobi snorted. "Senpai, no, don't go down any further. Senpaiii, stooop."

"Katsu!"

"SENPAAAIII!" Tobi screamed, suddenly awake from the blast. The tree branches flew downward and then they stopped for a second before flying the opposite direction. He flailed about, managing to turn himself around right before he landed in the remains of the fire. He lay there, not registering for a moment where he was. His chest was getting warm though...

Deidara rolled his eyes as the idiot jumped up, running around the fire screaming "Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!" while he did. He decided he needed to play around with the clay to get better height next time.

"You should be on fire, idiot, you stayed in there long enough."

"Tobi's clothes are fireproof, Senpai. That hurt," he said, taking off his robe and shaking it, before putting it back on. "Why did Senpai do that?"

Deidara winced at the whiny tone. "It's time to go."

"Did Senpai sleep? Senpai should get some sleep."

"I'm fine." He said, jumping down from the tree.

"Did Senpai know Itachi keeps a secret stash of candy and that it recently went missing? Tobi wonders if Senpai fed it to his hands."

"No, now shut up. It's too early for your questions, un."

Tobi skipped beside his partner. "Do Senpai's mouths lick other people when he shakes hands?"

Deidara reached out and smacked Tobi upside the back of his head. "Shut up."


	3. Chapter 3

_5/12/2014. This moved away from Tobi's questions about Deidara's hand mouths, but it was kind of my logical conclusion to the last chapter. Plus I still can't really think of any more questions._

* * *

They walked through the town, Tobi complaining about wanting to eat and stopping at nearly every vendor they passed by, looking hopefully at the food and then at Deidara. Deidara kept walking, ignoring both. After the umpteenth time, Tobi stopped and caught up.

"Senpai? We don't meet with our contact until tomorrow, right? It wouldn't hurt to stop and get something to eat."

"Do whatever you want, un. I'm going check in at the inn."

"Does Senpai want anything? Senpai should eat! Tobi will get Senpai something."

"No."

"But Senpai said Tobi could do what ever he wanted!" Tobi took off running, getting out of range of being able to hear anything Deidara said. Deidara scowled, but kept walking towards the only inn in the village.

It was much later when Tobi arrived at the inn, finding their rooms on the second floor with ease. It helped that Deidara was sitting in the window, one foot dangling outside, with the other one against the side of the window frame. He made a pretty sight, with the breeze tugging gently at his shirt and hair. He even had a group of girls whispering and pointing at him below, on the ground. A group he was ignoring, instead staring up at the darkening sky.

He slid the door open with his foot and yelled "Senpai!" causing the other man to roll his eyes. He closed the door with his foot and proceeded to the bed, where he carefully set down all the goodies he had picked up. "Tobi didn't know what Senpai wanted, so Tobi got everything he could find!"

"Don't come crying to me when Kakuzu takes it out of your pay, un." Deidara turned his head away from Tobi, looking back up towards the sky.

Tobi noticed Deidara's lack of attention and started pulling food out of his robe, trying to wave his arms about to get the other ninja's attention. When it didn't work, he switched tactics. "They think it's going to storm tonight, maybe Senpai will get to see some lightning. Wouldn't Senpai like some snacks while he watches?" He got no response. He picked up one of the packages in the pile and walked over to the window, waving it in Deidara's face. Deidara absently pushed it aside. He sat down on the floor and started poking Deidara with it. "Senpai, the villagers say it's going to start raining money and sharks. Pein-sama should have sent Kakuzu-san and Kisame-san instead."

"Whatever, stop poking me, un."

Tobi continued poking him, denting the packaging slightly. "They also say Tobi is really the leader of the Akatsuki, his real name is Obito, he has a sharingan, and he really likes Senpai."

"Yeah, sure. I got you a room."

"Kakuzu-san is reducing the beds. Says the laundry is too expensive. Senpai and Tobi will have to share a bed when we get back."

"Whatever. Go away, un."

This was fun, but getting old fast. "Senpai gives Tobi permission to smack him."

"Mmmhmm."

Tobi stood up and did just that, cuffing Deidara on the top of the head.

"What the fuck, dumbass?!" Deidara glared, one hand on his head where he had been hit and the other reaching for a clay pouch that wasn't there.

Tobi held up his hands, backing away. "Senpai said Tobi could!"

"The hell I did, un."

"Senpai should eat."

"Will you just leave me alone?"

"No."

"What?" Deidara growled.

"Tobi will not leave Senpai alone until Senpai eats and tells Tobi why Senpai is being weird."

"I'm not being weird, un."

"Senpai didn't sleep last night, keeps looking at the sky, ignores Tobi more than usual, and now isn't eating. Tobi says Senpai is being weird."

Deidara looked down at his hands, tracing the thin lips with his thumbs. "Why do you hide your face Tobi?"

Tobi cocked his head, caught off guard. "Tobi thinks masks are pretty!"

"Really? That's not what Hidan says."

"What does Hidan-san say, Senpai?"

"Heh, that we're both freaks."

Stupid Jashinist. "Hidan-san just likes messing around, Senpai. He didn't mean it. Besides, Hidan-san has never seen Tobi's face. Tobi doesn't like showing Tobi's face."

"Not to anyone, un?"

"Not even Pein-sama or Zetsu-san, Senpai!"

"So it's true," Deidara said quietly.

"No, it's not, Senpai. Senpai is not a freak."

Deidara snorted. "Everyone else disagrees."

"Even Senpai?"

"My art was taken to a whole new level, but I showed my hands off once, to someone I thought was my friend. They said they were gross and disgusting and called me a freak. After that, I stopped caring what people thought."

"Tobi is confused, Senpai."

"I don't care what Hidan thinks, un." He switched his gaze from his hands to the sky. It had started raining and thundering, with flashes of light in the far off distance.

Tobi came up to Deidara and wiped away a tear. "Senpai is lying. Senpai cares what Hidan-san thinks."

"It's stupid."

Tobi grabbed Deidara in a tight hug. "It's not stupid! The Akatsuki are family! Family's opinions matter, even when we don't want them to."

Deidara pushed the other man off. "You really are stupid. We aren't family. Are you seriously saying Itachi and I are family? I want to kill him! Not to mention, if you piss off the head person in a family, they don't threaten to kill you!"

Tobi started crying, tears spilling out of the eyehole in his mask. "We are too family! Senpai forgets Itachi killed his clan! Senpai is mean! He doesn't want to be in a family with Tobi."

"I don't _want_ to be in a family with any of you!"

"Senpai hates Tobi!"

"Shut up, un!"

"SENPAI HATES TOBI!"

"I don't hate you, shut up, jeeze."

"Senpai loves Tobi!" he squealed, hugging Deidara again. Deidara grabbed the back of his robe and tossed him out the window. He landed with his face in the dirt and his butt in the air. "Can Tobi at least have some food, Senpai?" he asked, pushing the rest of himself up with his hands. "Senpai?"

Deidara lobbed a bit of clay out the window. It landed on Tobi's nose and unfolded into a butterfly. "That's pretty, Senpai!"

"I'm keeping the food, idiot."

"That's not fair, Senpai!"

"Katsu!"

"SENPAI!"


	4. Chapter 4

_I thought I was done with this, but then DragonFire44 wanted Tobi to succeed in his long term plans and I had some thoughts on that. Sorry this is so short. I promise there will be more!_

* * *

_Time._

That was all he needed. Given enough of it, he could have everything he wanted.

_Time._

He had been getting somewhere. Dropping hints he wasn't as idiotic as he seemed. Drawing interest.

_Time._

_He_ had been slowly accepting the small truths. Stubbornly demanding to know everything at once when _he_ realized his partner was really at the top of the food chain instead of the bottom. Pissed as hell for the lies, but willing to wait until _he_ could be told everything. Accepting enough to let things go back to the way they were before _he_ knew anything.

_Time._

Something _he_ no longer had. _His_ passion and hatred had left _him_ without time. _His_ passion and hatred overrode _his_ good sense and instead of realizing that _he_ wouldn't or couldn't win the fight, drove _him_ to use _his_ final technique.

_Time._

He had gone ahead with his other plans, throwing himself into them and pushing everyone and everything, himself most of all. Using Sasuke in his plans and inwardly hoping he wouldn't be successful against the Eight Tails, Kages, or Danzo.

_Time._

And now _he_ stood there, arguing with his former partner about art. A product of Kabuto's reincarnation jutsu. As passionate as ever, clueless to the fact Sasuke survived, and acting like nothing had changed. But everything had changed. _He_ was reincarnated, but not alive. There was no more time.

And Tobi was ignored, which was fine by him. He didn't really know what to say. Wasn't sure he could say anything without screaming and shaking Deidara violently, without squishing him. Because even though _he_ was not alive, _he_ was here. _He_ could make art again. _He_ could finally know the truth. _He_ could attempt to bomb Tobi for hugging _him_ as _he_ had done so many times. And maybe Tobi would allow it, if only because he missed it.

_Time._

Until his ultimate plan bore fruit, they were truly out of time. But, when it did, when they had time again, he would bombard Deidara with so many questions. Questions he had been saving up since Deidara's death.

Because he had been given too much time.


	5. Chapter 5

_May 29, 2014. Told you I wasn't done with this. *Sticks out tongue.*_

* * *

Deidara was annoyed, having this weird guy, wearing a white mask with black rings, following him around while he got more clay. The mask made him want to use the other person for target practice. He was the 'true' leader of the Akatsuki, supposedly, but he didn't wear the Akatsuki cloak. Well, none of them were now, stuck in boring, inartistic, plain red cloaks. Not that he cared about the stupid cloud cloaks from before, but, well, at least there had been something. He spared a brief thought to those that were missing, Konan, Kisame, and Tobi. Were they still wearing those cloaks? The thought passed as Deidara noticed the man had gotten closer to him, leaning against a tall rock, arms crossed.

"Who are you really, un?"

Obito shrugged, letting his sharingan flare as a warning to the artist. "It doesn't matter."

Deidara growled. "Damn Uchiha bastards," he muttered under his breath. "Go away and stop following me," he said louder, not wanting anything more to do with another Uchiha. Two of them were enough.

"No."

Deidara whirled around, hand mouths chewing furiously at the clay he had picked up. "Why? Why can't you fucking Uchiha's leave me alone, un?"

"I recall you chasing after Sasuke, and Sasuke being quite indifferent to your 'art'."

"Bastard!" he growled, sending the bird darts he had made flying at the other man, who disappeared into the rock. The birds hit the rock, beaks sticking into it and Deidara yelled "Katsu!" causing the rock to become nothing more than a pile of gravel and dust.

"Nice try. Very good aim, but aim isn't going to help you at all against me," Obito said, surprising Deidara into turning around again. Obito grabbed the artist's wrists before he could grab more clay. "Why don't you be a good boy and settle down now?"

"Fuck off, un."

Obito sighed. "I think you've been hanging around Hidan a little too much. Fortunately, that will not be a problem for a while. His... talents... will be useful elsewhere." He let go of Deidara's wrists. "I'm just enjoying the scenery. There's nothing to get angry about."

"I wasn't aware rocks and dirt were scenic, un."

"They're not."

Deidara frowned. "Who _are_ you?"

"I already told you."

"You seem familiar, un. I should know who you are." Deidara reached up, aiming to take off the mask.

Obito jumped back, out of reach. "Tch. Now's not the time to be naughty, _Senpai_."

"Sen- Tobi? Wha- There's no way in hell you're Tobi! You're not goofy enough and your voice is wrong!"

Obito watched as Deidara's face went from surprise to flat out refusal and denial. "Really, Senpai, you shouldn't throw a tantrum. That's Tobi's job. Tobi is glad Senpai is so _concerned_ about Tobi's health. Tobi bets the first thing out of Senpai's mouth was something about art."

"So what if it was? I know Tobi made it out of range; he wasn't with the other Akatsuki Kabuto revived. You're not him!"

Obito found another rock to lean against, crossing his arms again. "Ask me anything you want."

Deidara narrowed his eyes. "Fine. What's my favorite color?"

"Blue. Don't make it too easy now, _Senpai_."

"How many times did Tobi wake up because of my art, un?"

"Indoors or outdoors?"

Indoors, on missions."

"Every morning, because Tobi thought Senpai made a comfy pillow."

Deidara growled. "Fine. The festival in Kirigakure, what souvenirs did Tobi insist on getting and what happened to them?"

Obito snorted. "A shark tooth necklace for Kisame, a rare potted flower for Zetsu, an origami book for Konan, a set of spiky earrings for Pein, a book about religions for Hidan, a fancy sewing kit for Kakuzu, a book on emotional wellbeing for Itachi, clay for Senpai, and for Tobi, a kiss during the fireworks."

Deidara scowled. "And?"

"And Kisame, Konan, Zetsu, Kakuzu, and Senpai loved their souvenirs. Pein was indifferent and shoved the earrings in a drawer somewhere. Hidan tied Tobi and the book to a tree and tried to burn both, but was caught by Pein and only ended up burning the book. Itachi tossed his in the trash and told Tobi to mind his own business while threatening him with Tsukuyomi. Tobi was happiest of all, even after Senpai made him part of the fireworks. Tobi was happy for days because his senpai let Tobi kiss him."

"Did not, un."

Obito smiled under his mask, the first real smile he could recall since Deidara's death. "Admit it, Deidara, you liked it. Otherwise you wouldn't have let me do it for thirty seconds."

"I was just surprised, that's all, un. Wait, thirty seconds?"

"Did you think I wouldn't keep track?"

"That... seems a bit obsessive, un."

Obito shrugged. "Tobi cherishes all the moments he had with Senpai."

Deidara frowned. "I remember you told me you would tell me everything."

"Now's not the time."

"_When_?"

Obito chuckled. "Patience. There is plenty of time to talk about it later."

"Whatever, un."

"Aww, Senpai, don't be mad. Tobi wants to tell Senpai everything, but Tobi can't trust anyone right now."

"Why not?"

"Because, Kabuto can still control you. But soon, Deidara, soon. I promise."


End file.
